Monday, January 2, 2012

Top 20 Chuck Norris Facts

Honestly, how cool would it be to have the internet fame of Chuck Norris? Nearly every Youtube video has a comment about him, and there are literally thousands of fun facts about his near divine abilities. Here are my top 20 favorites.

- Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who"

- The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

- A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

- When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

- Ghosts sit around the camp fire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

- Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead, it is just too afraid to move.

- Chuck Norris can make a slinky go up the stairs.

- Chuck Norris doesn't age, he levels up.

- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart would never be so foolish as to attack him.

- It only takes 20 minutes for Chuck Norris to watch 60 Minutes.

- Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

- Chuck Norris puts "laughter" in "manslaughter."

- Superman owns of pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

- Bill Gates lives in constant fear that the PC of Chuck Norris will crash.

- Chuck Norris once decided to test the theory that cats have 9 lives. In conclusion, one roundhouse kick has enough power to take 10 lives at once.

- Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

- Chuck Norris can eat McDonald's breakfast after 11:00 A.M.

- Chuck Norris won the Iron Chef competition by microwaving hot-pockets.

1 comment:

  1. Chuck Norris might not be so epic after you've seen this: